One little short and crazy year!

I believe that I have about 3 weeks left of cosmetology school. I do not want to leave ever! It has become my safe haven and I love just about every second of it. I cannot believe how quickly it went and how much has happened in one short year. Once I moved back to Utah in early September 2011, I had about 3 days of rest and immediately started at Evan's. Honestly I didn't even know if I wanted to cut hair or would like it? It ends up that I absolutely love it! I love my customers, because they have become my friends and I can't wait to see them each week and make them more beautiful! I cannot wait to be done so that I can start my actual working period of cosmetology and start making money. It will feel so nice to be a graduate of college and have an actual career. I am damn proud of myself for this!

It has been a very crazy summer, yet also very relaxing. I don't think I had the mental capacity to have a very stimulating summer. I took my cute little sisters to the lake a lot, and burned a lot! Saw the state fair and all of its white trash glory. Rediscovered my love for the movies and reading. Saw more outdoor movies than is possible. As always a bunch of random activities that made it very fun! Also one of my hardest summers, besides the summer of '09 and last summer! Haha oddly specific? yes... I have my reasons so do not mock!

I forget that I have my blog and that it is my venting system! I do only write this blog for myself and for the few who actually like to read it. So I may share random things, and sometimes I am not my upbeat self in them! That to me is why I like to blog, to shed some light on the crazy things in life!

This fall marks 6 years now that I have battled with depressions and anxiety problems. I do know why I have them but I do not know why they continue to haunt me. That is why this last year has become so very important to these issues and my growing process. You see I have this problem where I constantly worry and about things that are in the past that I can no longer change or deal with. This entire summer I had so very much fun being very free and happy. Every time I did something though, I was reminded of last summer and all the fun things I did. I worried about how I could have done things better, or that I could have stayed longer, that I could still be in New York, that I didn't see enough or go enough places! Everything I did this year reminded me or made me remember what I was doing exactly a year ago. I don't think I can explain to you how much last summer meant to me or me growing and changing as a person. There is not a day that goes by that I wishes I could go back and visit what I called home for such a short time! I just had a very hard time being able to say "Hilary, you had a great time, you have moved forward with life. You are in another amazing chapter and stop dwelling on bad things" Well duh, that is what I am a damn dweller!

If it were not for my personal growth and help at Evan's I would have not made it through this last year. I have become friends with people I never thought I could. I have become a much more forward and outspoken person. I do not let people walk all over me. I know now how to say no and still maintain my "hillaryness". I have participated and learned about more service projects than I ever though imaginable. I was able to forgive grudges of the past few years, as I wrote letters and burned them. I then watched them blow away as little ashes! That was the greatest feeling of all. Most of all I have become more open to the world and seeing how the rest of the world lives. I would say I am a 100% different person than one year ago. I absolutely love myself now and what I am doing with my life! I am actually living for myself and not to please others! That is the greatest satisfaction of all! Finally to realize what you want out of life and have some of your dreams back. Through exercise and regaining my smile I have been able to push my anxiety and depression away as I always do! That is just the type of person I am! We move forward, constantly looking for something else great in life.

I am so excited for these next few months and I look forward to the opportunities that will come in them! Also my Best Friend Tia passed her test and I am so darn proud of her!!!