Today is the birth of my very best friend. I have known her since I was seven and decided to make her all mine when I was 14! Haha. She is always very excited about her birthday as long as I can remember. Until this year... I am sure she was excited but didn't want to make it a five day extravaganza. A few days ago she asked me to just plan something small with our closest friends. We decided to do a Just Dance night and just food with some laughs.
This year she turned 26 and I am just not sure how she felt about it. It reminds me of my birthdays that I always hate the approach of every year. For some reason I have always new years resolutions. So I make birthday resolutions. Since about the age of 16 they have always been about the same... literally the same. Get kissed, lose weight, go on a date, do something meaningful with my life etc. Then every year my brithday comes and I realize I have the same goals... they are just a bad reminder of where I am not at every year.
This birthday was probably the first I decided not to make such a list. I have already crossed off two items, luckily they are, go on a real date, and do something meaningful with my life. Sadly one more years goes by without a kiss. I am literally convinced I may be dead before that happens. I guess I have just come to terms... If I did not meet a one Jill Sinnott, I would not be where I am today. She is one of the greatest people I have come to know. She gave me courage to finally stand up for myself and change my outcome in life.
So this year I decided, who cares about age? Who cares what you are and are not accomplishing. Do we not already try our best every day? Why are we so hard on ourselves?
I hope this year if I can convince my best friend of a few things. No matter how old you get, you are the best person I have ever met! You have the greatest laugh, probably the greatest sense of humor. You are the only person where we can just sit there after something big has happened and nothing has to be said. I love that you don't have to know all the details. You can move on from things and not even blink. You are the most honest person I have met. We still act like 16 year old girls when we find our "boyfriends" of the day. Jimmer and Jackson! We literally have fun in everything we do. Our friendship has stood the test of times. Even as we get older we still find a way to make everything work! Some friendships fade after time, and I hope ours continues to be the way it is today. Without you I would not be the person I am today. You give me a different perspective on life and keep me grounded. Sometimes I go crazy and you keep me level headed.
I hope that as this new year comes around and year enter your 26th year. Remember you are still young and have time to accomplish all your dreams. Do not be so hard on yourself and forgive your mistakes. Only assume you deserve the best.. Because you do, and do not settle for any less! I love you more than you could every imagine and I know we will have another fantastic year. Until the next burday. Love you, Donda!
Hilary Fitts
Thursday, December 29, 2011
Monday, December 26, 2011
Here today... gone tomorrow
Dear Readers, I have been on a mental vacation since I last posted in May. You would like to hear stories you say? Well, those will come later. It is a combonation of thoughts that have prompted me to post today. I have simply forgotten that I love the written word and more or less forgotten how much I love to write. While I may have a few followers... I simply do this for myself. It is cheap therapy while doing something I love!
It was Christmas Eve morning, just this past Saturday. I was out of school since Friday but my dear little Maxine was waiting for her Saturday shampoo set. I am a sucker for the old people and knew I had to go whether we were in school or not. Maxine a dear little 90 year old lady had been given to me by my insturctor in late September. I was to go to her house every Saturday morning at 10 and do her hair (it had to look good for church)
I went every Saturday and heard stories from her wonderful life! She had an amazing collection of dolls, a cute little dog named Blossom, and said warsh for wash. I enjoyed her company and always looked forward to going. We became wonderful friends and she would always share treats that she bought at "the costco" with her son the day before. Blossom would sit on her lap as Maxine would talk and talk.
As I pulled into the driveway on Saturday I notices her walker and wheelchair leaned up against the side of the building. I had 3 thoughts, either her children forgot to pack them in a car to go with her, they had gone to the hospital in a hurry, or Maxine had passed away. As I approached the door, Blossom was not barking as usual and that is when I noticed a note taped to the door. "Hair dresser, sorry we have to cancel for today. Please call me. I called Michele... She had told me that Maxine had passed away the night before. She went on to tell me that she fell ill last Saturday after I left... she went to lunch, a movie, and then to her family Christmas party. That night she called her son and said her oxygen wasn't working. When her son arrived he found the oxygen to be working but Maxine's lungs to be failing. Maxine held on for just about another week and passed away Friday night surrounded by her family.
As I bawled listening to this story, I was happy for Maxine. For she was in a place where she no longer missed her husband and other son. She was out of pain, and could breathe and walk normally. Another part of me was sad they didn't call for me to come say goodbye. Who knows though... I may not have made it though the experience.
As many of you know, for a living I take care of my sweet dear invalid Grandma Frankie. She fell in February and broke her arm. Ever since then her health has been on a roller coaster ride!
I think back to some of my very first memories. One of them is sitting on my grandfathers lap every morning and watching Mr. Rogers and Sesame Street. We then would eat Ramen Noodles. After school I would help him in the garden and do such activites. With my Grandma I would play flinch, the piano or she would teach me counting or reading. For as long as I can remember my grandparents have always been a major part of my life. For more than 15 out of my 22 years I have lived with my grandparents... or they have lived with us. I am sure more than half of my memories contain something we have done with them.
Since her accident in May my entire family especially my Dad has made great sacrifices to make sure someone is always with her. Since my return home in September I started 2 weekly "shifts" with my Grandma. Knowing that they are respectively 87 and 89 years old... I take advantage of almost all our moments together. I will ask my grandpa and grandma to tell stories or even sing things I have heard a thousand times before!
In the last few weeks I have noticed a change in their health. I would like to think this is just my ignorance but I know it is not. I know that everyday living is very hard for them. My Grandpa doesn't sleep for more than a few hours a day, he lost his sight completely in one eye. (The day he got this news was the first time I had ever seen my Grandpa almost cry) It broke my little heart to watch him come to the realization of how old he is actually getting. My Grandma suffers with every kind of pain you can ever imagine. As the days go by these symptoms just progress. When I heard of Maxine's passing, and know putting my Grandma in bed tonight... after watching how much pain she was in just walking to the bathroom. I wonder how many more days, months or hopefully year(s) I will be given with them. While I am sure they are ready to go, I can't stop thinking how weird life will be without them. I am spoiled because I still have my grandparents at 90 years old and can share every memory with them. How many people can say that? I hate to see how fragile life actually is. How weird is it that one day someone is here and the next day they are not? It is magical to think how much a persons life can impact your own... While I will continue to make the most of our time together, it breaks my little heart to see them when they are in pain. But for now, I will continue to watch Finding Nemo, listen to my Grandma sing Gene Autry, and share endless laughter with them. Maxine, thank you for the time we shared together, thank you for your friendship and most of all thank you giving me this eye opening experience.
Hilary Fitts
It was Christmas Eve morning, just this past Saturday. I was out of school since Friday but my dear little Maxine was waiting for her Saturday shampoo set. I am a sucker for the old people and knew I had to go whether we were in school or not. Maxine a dear little 90 year old lady had been given to me by my insturctor in late September. I was to go to her house every Saturday morning at 10 and do her hair (it had to look good for church)
I went every Saturday and heard stories from her wonderful life! She had an amazing collection of dolls, a cute little dog named Blossom, and said warsh for wash. I enjoyed her company and always looked forward to going. We became wonderful friends and she would always share treats that she bought at "the costco" with her son the day before. Blossom would sit on her lap as Maxine would talk and talk.
As I pulled into the driveway on Saturday I notices her walker and wheelchair leaned up against the side of the building. I had 3 thoughts, either her children forgot to pack them in a car to go with her, they had gone to the hospital in a hurry, or Maxine had passed away. As I approached the door, Blossom was not barking as usual and that is when I noticed a note taped to the door. "Hair dresser, sorry we have to cancel for today. Please call me. I called Michele... She had told me that Maxine had passed away the night before. She went on to tell me that she fell ill last Saturday after I left... she went to lunch, a movie, and then to her family Christmas party. That night she called her son and said her oxygen wasn't working. When her son arrived he found the oxygen to be working but Maxine's lungs to be failing. Maxine held on for just about another week and passed away Friday night surrounded by her family.
As I bawled listening to this story, I was happy for Maxine. For she was in a place where she no longer missed her husband and other son. She was out of pain, and could breathe and walk normally. Another part of me was sad they didn't call for me to come say goodbye. Who knows though... I may not have made it though the experience.
As many of you know, for a living I take care of my sweet dear invalid Grandma Frankie. She fell in February and broke her arm. Ever since then her health has been on a roller coaster ride!
I think back to some of my very first memories. One of them is sitting on my grandfathers lap every morning and watching Mr. Rogers and Sesame Street. We then would eat Ramen Noodles. After school I would help him in the garden and do such activites. With my Grandma I would play flinch, the piano or she would teach me counting or reading. For as long as I can remember my grandparents have always been a major part of my life. For more than 15 out of my 22 years I have lived with my grandparents... or they have lived with us. I am sure more than half of my memories contain something we have done with them.
Since her accident in May my entire family especially my Dad has made great sacrifices to make sure someone is always with her. Since my return home in September I started 2 weekly "shifts" with my Grandma. Knowing that they are respectively 87 and 89 years old... I take advantage of almost all our moments together. I will ask my grandpa and grandma to tell stories or even sing things I have heard a thousand times before!
In the last few weeks I have noticed a change in their health. I would like to think this is just my ignorance but I know it is not. I know that everyday living is very hard for them. My Grandpa doesn't sleep for more than a few hours a day, he lost his sight completely in one eye. (The day he got this news was the first time I had ever seen my Grandpa almost cry) It broke my little heart to watch him come to the realization of how old he is actually getting. My Grandma suffers with every kind of pain you can ever imagine. As the days go by these symptoms just progress. When I heard of Maxine's passing, and know putting my Grandma in bed tonight... after watching how much pain she was in just walking to the bathroom. I wonder how many more days, months or hopefully year(s) I will be given with them. While I am sure they are ready to go, I can't stop thinking how weird life will be without them. I am spoiled because I still have my grandparents at 90 years old and can share every memory with them. How many people can say that? I hate to see how fragile life actually is. How weird is it that one day someone is here and the next day they are not? It is magical to think how much a persons life can impact your own... While I will continue to make the most of our time together, it breaks my little heart to see them when they are in pain. But for now, I will continue to watch Finding Nemo, listen to my Grandma sing Gene Autry, and share endless laughter with them. Maxine, thank you for the time we shared together, thank you for your friendship and most of all thank you giving me this eye opening experience.
Hilary Fitts
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