I believe that I have about 3 weeks left of cosmetology school. I do not want to leave ever! It has become my safe haven and I love just about every second of it. I cannot believe how quickly it went and how much has happened in one short year. Once I moved back to Utah in early September 2011, I had about 3 days of rest and immediately started at Evan's. Honestly I didn't even know if I wanted to cut hair or would like it? It ends up that I absolutely love it! I love my customers, because they have become my friends and I can't wait to see them each week and make them more beautiful! I cannot wait to be done so that I can start my actual working period of cosmetology and start making money. It will feel so nice to be a graduate of college and have an actual career. I am damn proud of myself for this!
It has been a very crazy summer, yet also very relaxing. I don't think I had the mental capacity to have a very stimulating summer. I took my cute little sisters to the lake a lot, and burned a lot! Saw the state fair and all of its white trash glory. Rediscovered my love for the movies and reading. Saw more outdoor movies than is possible. As always a bunch of random activities that made it very fun! Also one of my hardest summers, besides the summer of '09 and last summer! Haha oddly specific? yes... I have my reasons so do not mock!
I forget that I have my blog and that it is my venting system! I do only write this blog for myself and for the few who actually like to read it. So I may share random things, and sometimes I am not my upbeat self in them! That to me is why I like to blog, to shed some light on the crazy things in life!
This fall marks 6 years now that I have battled with depressions and anxiety problems. I do know why I have them but I do not know why they continue to haunt me. That is why this last year has become so very important to these issues and my growing process. You see I have this problem where I constantly worry and about things that are in the past that I can no longer change or deal with. This entire summer I had so very much fun being very free and happy. Every time I did something though, I was reminded of last summer and all the fun things I did. I worried about how I could have done things better, or that I could have stayed longer, that I could still be in New York, that I didn't see enough or go enough places! Everything I did this year reminded me or made me remember what I was doing exactly a year ago. I don't think I can explain to you how much last summer meant to me or me growing and changing as a person. There is not a day that goes by that I wishes I could go back and visit what I called home for such a short time! I just had a very hard time being able to say "Hilary, you had a great time, you have moved forward with life. You are in another amazing chapter and stop dwelling on bad things" Well duh, that is what I am a damn dweller!
If it were not for my personal growth and help at Evan's I would have not made it through this last year. I have become friends with people I never thought I could. I have become a much more forward and outspoken person. I do not let people walk all over me. I know now how to say no and still maintain my "hillaryness". I have participated and learned about more service projects than I ever though imaginable. I was able to forgive grudges of the past few years, as I wrote letters and burned them. I then watched them blow away as little ashes! That was the greatest feeling of all. Most of all I have become more open to the world and seeing how the rest of the world lives. I would say I am a 100% different person than one year ago. I absolutely love myself now and what I am doing with my life! I am actually living for myself and not to please others! That is the greatest satisfaction of all! Finally to realize what you want out of life and have some of your dreams back. Through exercise and regaining my smile I have been able to push my anxiety and depression away as I always do! That is just the type of person I am! We move forward, constantly looking for something else great in life.
I am so excited for these next few months and I look forward to the opportunities that will come in them! Also my Best Friend Tia passed her test and I am so darn proud of her!!!
Thursday, September 27, 2012
Sunday, May 13, 2012
Just the noise is my brain on paper.
I have been having a hard time sorting my thoughts and that is why I never blog. If you read this you know I hate just the small talk on a blog, haha it has to be something meaningful. I got a request by a friend that she wants me to keep writing. So I am going to try again!
It has been almost exactly 1 year ago that I was set to move to Connecticut to become a nanny for 1 year, if not longer. I moved to Connecticut the first of June and had a blast! I also hated it at the same time. I was in a very strange place in my life and making this decision was the only thing I felt comfortable doing with my life at that point. I had been through so much since my senior year of high school that I just needed a very big change in my life. I knew it was crazy but it would be the start of something wonderful and something that would change the rest of my life. Ever since this experience I have grown and learned to appreciate everyone around me. At the end of 5 months I was so physically exhausted from this experience that I decided I needed to return home. There has been many time I have regretted the decision to return. While I love school, I wish I would have stayed longer. since being home I have always thought twice before making a decision or backing out of something so quickly. Now that I am settled home, I know that this is the right place for me right at this moment in life.
I have been doing a LOT and a LOT more of thinking lately. I have been enjoying Hair School more than you can imagine. There are some days I never want to have a piece of itchy hair on me again! Then I get to meet some of the most wonderful people and then I get to call them my friends! I will be done just about the end of September... sad? I am very sad. I am one of those people that cannot handle change or losing people. I am learning to not be so emotional, my emotions have gotten me into some very big problems. So I am just trying to enjoy what I have left at Evans and take in every experience!
This still doesn't change that I have some very big decisions to make in the next 5 months. One thing I know for sure, is that I want to move out and experience living on my own. I do appreciate all the things my parents do but it is just time that I make that move. It is now more than ever though that I am filled with some big dreams. Since my time in school I have had my eyes opened to so much life! I love every second of my learning experience! It has made me realize some great things. I have always wondered why I haven't been close to getting married or have something that keeps me more grounded. With my prayers and dreams I have realized it is because I have many more things my big heart needs to do before settling down! When I say my wishes out loud they sound ridiculous... but they are truly things I want to experience. I will share a few.
*Speak French, Italian, and Spanish
*Work for Walt Disney World
*Live in New York as a "free" person
*Live in San Diego
*Become a nomad in Europe
*Serve a mission
*many, many, many more things
As many of you know I sometimes freak when I do not know or have a plan about what is next in life. For the first time in my life, I have a long list but no reason or know how of how to accomplish these things. I guess I have adopted a new way a life, and just letting things move naturally. I have decided that the closer school gets to ending I will slowly mark off some of these things. My Heavenly Father has helped my greatly in calming down and giving me to freedom to actually have my dreams and hopefully helping make them come true! All I know is that I want to make them happen and I will do it! All I know is that I cannot stop thinking about these things on a daily basis and it's starting to drive me crazy!
P.S. It has been a great mothers day and we had some good laughs as a family! I love them very much and they are wonderful people!
It has been almost exactly 1 year ago that I was set to move to Connecticut to become a nanny for 1 year, if not longer. I moved to Connecticut the first of June and had a blast! I also hated it at the same time. I was in a very strange place in my life and making this decision was the only thing I felt comfortable doing with my life at that point. I had been through so much since my senior year of high school that I just needed a very big change in my life. I knew it was crazy but it would be the start of something wonderful and something that would change the rest of my life. Ever since this experience I have grown and learned to appreciate everyone around me. At the end of 5 months I was so physically exhausted from this experience that I decided I needed to return home. There has been many time I have regretted the decision to return. While I love school, I wish I would have stayed longer. since being home I have always thought twice before making a decision or backing out of something so quickly. Now that I am settled home, I know that this is the right place for me right at this moment in life.
I have been doing a LOT and a LOT more of thinking lately. I have been enjoying Hair School more than you can imagine. There are some days I never want to have a piece of itchy hair on me again! Then I get to meet some of the most wonderful people and then I get to call them my friends! I will be done just about the end of September... sad? I am very sad. I am one of those people that cannot handle change or losing people. I am learning to not be so emotional, my emotions have gotten me into some very big problems. So I am just trying to enjoy what I have left at Evans and take in every experience!
This still doesn't change that I have some very big decisions to make in the next 5 months. One thing I know for sure, is that I want to move out and experience living on my own. I do appreciate all the things my parents do but it is just time that I make that move. It is now more than ever though that I am filled with some big dreams. Since my time in school I have had my eyes opened to so much life! I love every second of my learning experience! It has made me realize some great things. I have always wondered why I haven't been close to getting married or have something that keeps me more grounded. With my prayers and dreams I have realized it is because I have many more things my big heart needs to do before settling down! When I say my wishes out loud they sound ridiculous... but they are truly things I want to experience. I will share a few.
*Speak French, Italian, and Spanish
*Work for Walt Disney World
*Live in New York as a "free" person
*Live in San Diego
*Become a nomad in Europe
*Serve a mission
*many, many, many more things
As many of you know I sometimes freak when I do not know or have a plan about what is next in life. For the first time in my life, I have a long list but no reason or know how of how to accomplish these things. I guess I have adopted a new way a life, and just letting things move naturally. I have decided that the closer school gets to ending I will slowly mark off some of these things. My Heavenly Father has helped my greatly in calming down and giving me to freedom to actually have my dreams and hopefully helping make them come true! All I know is that I want to make them happen and I will do it! All I know is that I cannot stop thinking about these things on a daily basis and it's starting to drive me crazy!
P.S. It has been a great mothers day and we had some good laughs as a family! I love them very much and they are wonderful people!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
