With a heavy heart, some anxiety, and much excitement!

I have promised that from this day forward I would keep my blog updated as close to every day as possible. I would imagine the ones to follow.... Danielle, Robyn, Max and Elle. If I am only writing for four, they would be the ones I want to read about my exciting new adventures! I may bore you with my really long story but I need to get things out and write for closure and bring a clean slate forward. Hopefully you will all enjoy!

In December the company I was working for announced that they would be closing down. While this job provided a grand income... I was relieved. I had some of the best times there, and for each good moment it was multiplied by 4 bad moments. So when the announcement came forward, I  breathed a sigh of relief. Of relief that I could finally sleep and that the fates of 276 families would no longer be in my hands. 

On the day of our release from work, I came home with two black garbage back full of junk from my "cube." I just sat. I stared at my bedroom wall for hours. Hours that I could say were filled with mostly tears. Tears of gratitude, hate, happiness, and sorrow. I had no thought really, a wall had just come tumbling down.

The next I decided I would wipe my life clean and so I painted. I went to the paint store and gathered primer and grey paint. In all it would take me three days.  I called my best friend Danielle and told her to bring her Christmas spirit and come paint. I can remember now listening to Mark Masri, and Josh Groban Christmas music. We had a lot of laughs and I was glad to have my friend near at that moment. Little did I know I would never be so glad to have her in my life in the coming months.

So now I have a grey room with some cute throw pillow that I had made. It made me feel very happy. I felt clean and it gave me a sense of relief. It made it feel as if it were a new fresh start. As I was moving my room back to its normal state a paper fell out of my drawer. It was an old schedule from work at Lane Bryant. In which it said I worked Tuesday with Beth. Ahh Beth, she was a great friend whom I was very saddened to see move to New York to become a Nanny. A few days went by and I was bored as a door nail. I always thought while working that it would be great to have no job  and do what you wanted. Ha, joke is on me. It is absolutely boring! So I thought, and thought some more. What could I do to earn an income. Why are you 21 years old and have no schooling? Well duh, go to school! I decided I should follow in my mothers path and become  a hair stylist. I applied at a school and had my whole next year planned out. I had never been so excited about school before. I would be at a great school and right down the street from Danielle's work! It would be like High School, we could eat lunch again every day together! As I was making final touches I learned that funding for school would be nearly impossible for me. I looked at all the options and they easily were all flushed down the toilet!

So I prayed. I prayed for a good 30 minutes. I had never cried so hard in my entire life! I made a plea to my Heavenly Father to show me the way or to give me a sign. That night I decided I would give my friend Beth a call. No not decided, I was prompted to give Bethy Beth a call. As I called I was impressed to ask her how to go about being a nanny. I got a web site from her and she gave me great information. It was not but 10 minutes later I was online making a profile to solicit myself to be a nanny. Had I ever wanted to be a nanny? NO! Had I felt right about going to do it? NO WAY! The concept was so foreign and scary to me. But, I proceeded anyways. Within a few days I received a message from a family in Connecticut. They had an 11 year old boy, wanted a "friend"/ nanny for him. They had quite the set up and seemed picture perfect. I answered back to them and set up a time for some phone calls. I spoke to them and felt the impression that they were great. Bad news is they did not need a nanny until June! How could I possibly be around for 6 months waiting to leave? So I spoke to other families and followed the same process. As the days passed I came to love the idea of being a nanny more and more.

As the process of prayer became a more pattern activity in my life I began to feel things becoming clear to me. On one of the days in February I decided I could not take one more day of being fat! I have always been fat and thought I always would be. It was something that had come to be part of my personality, and I was okay with being the "fat funny" girl. Until one day I was overwhelmed with the power to finally lose weight. The best I can explain it to someone is like an addiction. Some obese is someone that is addicted to food.  If I could be so bold I would compare it to a cigarette addiction. I had always had good intentions to lost weight but this time I had no intentions. I was going to solely dedicate my life to having a whole mind and finding peace with my body.

At this point I had purchased a few books. Miracle of Forgiveness, Biggest Loser 6 weeks to a healthier you and Eat, Pray, Love. I knew I needed to make peace with my Heavenly Father, I needed to lose weight, and I needed to learn how to find new meaning to life and let go. During this time I decided I did not fit with any other families. All my thoughts went back to this first family in Connecticut. At this point I was okay with waiting until June. I had a lot of personal things to work out to be in the right mind set to leave. It just so happens that June ended up falling in a perfect time frame. So I told them I would love to join their family and they gave an invitation! I was so excited. You did not have to twist my arm for this job! It is a perfect set up with everything you could and would ever need.

I finally felt at peace with my decision. I was learning how to abandon my addictions, clear my mind and draw nearer to my faith! But I have taken these last 6 months off for granted! I have had time to spend with my dear grandparents. Even thought it is watching my crazy grandpa go down every aisle at the grocery because he can't remember what they need. The time with my grandmother has been very rough. I came home one day after dropping my parents off at the airport and find my grandma screaming for help. She had fallen down and broken her arm in 3 different places. She has been through too much to have kept her patience in the last 4 months. Hell I don't blame her. They are people that are so firm in the gospel you can't help but have the most respect and love for them.

While I have not wanted to scream more than ever being at home everyday for 6 months. I am grateful for the time. I cannot remember a time when the washer was empty or the last time I took a warm shower was. Sometimes I find my toothbrush had been used, my shoes has been chewed up, or I come home and find someone sleeping in my bed. It has been a lesson learned on both ends for sure! It has taught me a lot more patience and understanding. I have for sure learned a little more about each of my family members. I will obviously miss them very much. It will be hard at first to be away from home. I will miss my little sisters sweet 16, family dinners and BYU sports with my dad. I will only gain more respect and love for them while I am away.


Finally to my life saver! Danielle Lolita Berry! While I have not been the easiest person in the last few months. She has done nothing but love me unconditionally. She has given me opportunities and more laughs than one can count. We have now officially done our second play together this year. No Dogs Allowed... it brought great joy to my life. At first I took the offer to occupy my time. In the mean time I gained lifetime friends and good tuba memories! We have also become quite the movie watchers. In the last few months I am going to say we have watched a good 45 movies! We have a new love for Vin and Paul! While we live in a dream world we have  gone down the list of "their" films and watched almost all of them. We can say we may get a little obsessed with things at times! Our first great adventures started with basketball. When we became madly in love with the game, Jimmer and Jackson. :) We went to every game, gathered every newspaper clipping and have covered our room in cougar attire. We were officially complete when Danielle purchased us Jimmer and Jackson Jersey's. When BYU lost in the sweet 16 round... I refused to take mine off. I may have stayed in it for a whole 48 hours! I still have a hard time letting go of this season. My room is still covered and I still love to wear my jersey! I cannot count the many joys you Danielle have brought to my life this last year. You have been true to me no questions asked. While I may bawl my eyes out having to leave my best friend. I will remember all the great times we have had together. You have a place in my heart and you have had one for the last 9 years. I look forward to having many more with you by my side! Hopefully old ladies sitting on the side lines of the games and yelling at the refs! I will see you soon in my new city and will return soon enough to watch more movies and whoever else we move on to. I do have a song for you... but that has to wait. So I found a quote and I hope you will always hold it dear.
"If there is ever a tomorrow when we are not together there is something you must always remember: you are braver than believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. But most important of all, even if we are apart, I'll always be with you" - A.A. Milne

It may sound like I am dying! Ha, while I am not dying I am just getting ready to start a new chapter in my life. I am looking to gain a sense of who I am, and what I would like to do in my future. I am sure to most it will seem like I was gone for a few days! I shall be back before you know it! I am leaving to travel while working and who would not like to combine the two?! I look forward to all the adventures I am going to have. I depart from SLC to JFK on June 3rd. Hopefully I will have some kind of get together where myself, friends and family can gather one time more and take some fun pictures that I can take with me! I am so very excited to begin my new adventure. I hope I did not bore everyone to death with my old lady story! haha, I hope to see all again before I leave, I hope that while I am out having an adventure everyone has one of their own! Also pieces of advice are welcome for a first timer living the nest! Ahhh. I leave with a heavy heart, some anxiety, and much excitement!